Dear blog,
Nah, I'm not that angry no more. The angst is gone. I know, sometimes it comes and goes. It's like a phase, a wave, a period of sudden rush. It is not something uncontrolable, I know. It's just that, I let myself indulge in it. It is not an indulgence to begin with, but somehow deep down, I guess I just did not want to stop, or control, it. It's like I just wanna let it go for good, which by the way, I think is a pretty good choice ^^ It is better to let it go, and let it run with the wind, then to bottle it up and supress it within, right?
Anyway, I realise that I've let go of a lot of things within this frame of time. LOADS of things! So many!
First of all, let me re-inforce my interest in the entertainment world. I know I am not pretty or talented, but I've always thought that they are all workable. I've always wanted to go to an Arts College, or something like that, or at least, the mass comm course. It was the least I could do with my life. Guess what? I blew it! I am now in business! The moment I said business, I could feel my heart drop. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. No, it went further down. It felt as though it had dropped to the ground. I was so sad and I felt as though a part of me was torn out.
Then, I gathered myself and thought about it again. Maybe it isn't all that bad. I mean, come on! Think about it. I am not smart, either! What made me think that I would be able to get into the course in the first place? They'll need 10 pointers and below! I aint no 10 pointer! It has been a beautiful dream that I carved out, in place of the reality where I know my dreams will never come true. I even got myself a job in order to re-ensure myself.
Yet, every now and then, I'll have supportive friends who tell me that I should pursure my dream. My sisters started praising me for my writing skills too, which by the way, isn't polished at all. Knowing that, I am sure that I won't be able to survive in the arts world. Look at the many talented people! But again, you'll never know until you try, right?
So, then, I thought I pretty much convinced myself that I won't do good in it anyways, and was on the verge of accepting my fate. Reality wins over dream, I thought. Right at that point of time, I was told that nothing is impossible.
So what now? I am just so lost! I am just.. In need of directions. But again, the directions are not for others to show. It's for you to stir yourself! The wheel is in your hands, and no others.
Somewhere along the line, I know that business isn't the path meant for me.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I was meant for something greater than this.
Somewhere along the line, I know that if I continue on in this path, I may still be successful.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I may not be able to make it in arts.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I can't sing nor act.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I can always give them a shot and be pleased with myself.
Somewhere along the line.. I am lost.
I need to find a way out. If only there is an EXIT door on this forked road.
CCA.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I have a BLOODY rich mom.
Dear blog,
First of all, if you think that this is a good news, you're wrong. Secondly, I didn't mean that literally, I'm being sarcastic. Thirdly, she's rich, I'm poor.
Fuck this shit! I'm always in this bloody asss situation. When can I get out of here? FAST!
Throw all the things away. I don't a shit no more. I swear I'm gonna be successful in the future. In any means possible. I know that my dreams have shattered the moment I said "business". So now that I'm in the business stream, I just gotta fuck my way through it. Somehow, one way or another, I shall make it there. Make loads of money, even if I become a fucking moron or a fucking stupid ass businesswoman. Then when I have all that money, I shall start donating and doing some humanitarian things to cover this all up.
For now, Fuck all those rich people. Fuck those who use their money like water. Fuck those who thinks that money is all that counts. Fuck you, if you think that everything can just be thrown away, valuable or invaluable.
My mom is fucking rich.
CCA
First of all, if you think that this is a good news, you're wrong. Secondly, I didn't mean that literally, I'm being sarcastic. Thirdly, she's rich, I'm poor.
Fuck this shit! I'm always in this bloody asss situation. When can I get out of here? FAST!
Throw all the things away. I don't a shit no more. I swear I'm gonna be successful in the future. In any means possible. I know that my dreams have shattered the moment I said "business". So now that I'm in the business stream, I just gotta fuck my way through it. Somehow, one way or another, I shall make it there. Make loads of money, even if I become a fucking moron or a fucking stupid ass businesswoman. Then when I have all that money, I shall start donating and doing some humanitarian things to cover this all up.
For now, Fuck all those rich people. Fuck those who use their money like water. Fuck those who thinks that money is all that counts. Fuck you, if you think that everything can just be thrown away, valuable or invaluable.
My mom is fucking rich.
CCA
Friday, November 13, 2009
The End of O Levels!
Dear blog,
Hey!! The Os are finally over!! FINALLY. It's such a big relieve! ^^
Anyway, I had written an entry before this on Caroline's Mac Book. However, it died on me. So it should be somewhere in the draft or it might be lost forever. Oh wells, it was about the O levels ending, yeah, still had the MCQ paper to go at that point of time! ^^
OH!! I FOUND IT!! YEYYY Ok, be right back! Now you can read the post down there :D
Alright! I'm back! And yey! You can watch the video now! ^^ Look for the English version, though! Really love it to the core! :D Caroline is in LOVE with Automatic! Hahaha!
Anyway, guess what! I just had a hair trim today! :D Hehe about time! Took such a loooonnngg time!!! Now it's neater!! ^^ Yeyy!! :D
Oh, and I am SO TOTALLY hooked into The Tokio Hotel game!! You should try it too! The Tokio Hotel Game that's the link :D Finished with level one now!! ^^ Getting ready to go to Level 2! WOOTZ! and I am proudly player number 2930 to finish the game!! YEY ME!! :D
Hehe, alright. Shall end here! Oh! I went out with the guys too yesterday! Have been a long time too! Gosh, it's been a long time for many things! Ah, and I met Joe too! Whoooooo LOOOONG time!
Ah, Shawn is sick. Hope he gets well soon! And I have a vibe that tells me that I'm gonna be a smoker in the future. I think I've stated this before, but I'm just gonna state it again. I think that it must in me; my nature, maybe. Perhaps I'm going against myself right now! I have the urge to pierce my tongue too! LOL hahah I know! It's crazy, right? I mean, I am so bloody scared of piercings! Yet, here I am, wanting to pierce my tongue! Out of all the places on our body!
And the reason why I brought this up is because of the fact that I think I had a vision a few days ago. In it, I am leaning against a wall, waiting for somebody. I have a Blackberry in one hand, and a cigarrete in another. Yeah, I've been smoking it.
Of course, since I've sort of "know" about this right now, it'll be relatively easier for me to avoid that future, no? But then again, in changing it, there's bound to be a consequence. And I have no idea what that might be! Will I be an alcoholic? Well, I strongly do not think so. But what if I started trying joints and stuff? Sigh, I guess I'll never know till that time comes.
OH! OR MAYBE, I have the urge to pierce now because I'm not smoking! Gee, that's not so bad, right? Hehe I hope so! :D Then we'll see of my future ^^ Just hope that it's a good one!
Speaking of the future, I've been in this bloody dilemma for the LONGEST time! I think it's about time for me to move forward and disentangle myself from it! It is the choice between pursuing arts, or not.
Shall drop this subject for the moment. Shall end this entry here! End it on a good note! :) Good night!! ^^
Don't Jump!!!
CCA.
Hey!! The Os are finally over!! FINALLY. It's such a big relieve! ^^
Anyway, I had written an entry before this on Caroline's Mac Book. However, it died on me. So it should be somewhere in the draft or it might be lost forever. Oh wells, it was about the O levels ending, yeah, still had the MCQ paper to go at that point of time! ^^
OH!! I FOUND IT!! YEYYY Ok, be right back! Now you can read the post down there :D
Alright! I'm back! And yey! You can watch the video now! ^^ Look for the English version, though! Really love it to the core! :D Caroline is in LOVE with Automatic! Hahaha!
Anyway, guess what! I just had a hair trim today! :D Hehe about time! Took such a loooonnngg time!!! Now it's neater!! ^^ Yeyy!! :D
Oh, and I am SO TOTALLY hooked into The Tokio Hotel game!! You should try it too! The Tokio Hotel Game that's the link :D Finished with level one now!! ^^ Getting ready to go to Level 2! WOOTZ! and I am proudly player number 2930 to finish the game!! YEY ME!! :D
Hehe, alright. Shall end here! Oh! I went out with the guys too yesterday! Have been a long time too! Gosh, it's been a long time for many things! Ah, and I met Joe too! Whoooooo LOOOONG time!
Ah, Shawn is sick. Hope he gets well soon! And I have a vibe that tells me that I'm gonna be a smoker in the future. I think I've stated this before, but I'm just gonna state it again. I think that it must in me; my nature, maybe. Perhaps I'm going against myself right now! I have the urge to pierce my tongue too! LOL hahah I know! It's crazy, right? I mean, I am so bloody scared of piercings! Yet, here I am, wanting to pierce my tongue! Out of all the places on our body!
And the reason why I brought this up is because of the fact that I think I had a vision a few days ago. In it, I am leaning against a wall, waiting for somebody. I have a Blackberry in one hand, and a cigarrete in another. Yeah, I've been smoking it.
Of course, since I've sort of "know" about this right now, it'll be relatively easier for me to avoid that future, no? But then again, in changing it, there's bound to be a consequence. And I have no idea what that might be! Will I be an alcoholic? Well, I strongly do not think so. But what if I started trying joints and stuff? Sigh, I guess I'll never know till that time comes.
OH! OR MAYBE, I have the urge to pierce now because I'm not smoking! Gee, that's not so bad, right? Hehe I hope so! :D Then we'll see of my future ^^ Just hope that it's a good one!
Speaking of the future, I've been in this bloody dilemma for the LONGEST time! I think it's about time for me to move forward and disentangle myself from it! It is the choice between pursuing arts, or not.
Shall drop this subject for the moment. Shall end this entry here! End it on a good note! :) Good night!! ^^
Don't Jump!!!
CCA.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
MCQ Left
Dear blog,
Hey! The tough papers are over, so it kinda feels as though the Os are over. Not yet, though. I still have the MCQs to conquer. My brain's already shutting down on its own. Bad bad! Can't seem to get anything in my head these past few days. Yep, I've been doing MCQ questions. Can't seem to understand why I get the physics questions correct! Yes, I got them correct, ironically.
Anyway, Joel may be getting a piercing. Haha!
Oh, thanks to Caroline, now I'm kinda in love with Tokio Hotel again! Was in love with them at the beginning of the year too, just like 30 Seconds to Mars!
Haha! The thing is, at the beginning of the year, I was in love with Tokio Hotel first (well, yeah, I got to know them first anyways, haha! When Bill, the frontman, still had that bombastic hairstyle! Totally caught my attention!), then was in love with 30 Seconds to Mars.
Right now, at the end of the year, was pretty much in love with 30 Seconds to Mars again, because I was watching their From Yesterday MV (remember? XD Haha!) and now Tokio Hotel!! :D Haha
Yeah, and for Tokio Hotel, it's pretty much because of Don't Jump and the MV too xD Hahaha I wonder why I always go back to old hits, hehe. Oh! I was crazy over "Scream" at the start of the year too, though. Not really into it right now. Anyway, here's the MV! :D
Okay, that was definitely NOT the best quality and it's the German version. Hehe The English version must have been soooo populer to the point that ALL the embeddings of the English Version vids are disabled! Haha Okay, that's it for now! Shall go off! ^^
Enjoy the vid! :)
CCA.
Hey! The tough papers are over, so it kinda feels as though the Os are over. Not yet, though. I still have the MCQs to conquer. My brain's already shutting down on its own. Bad bad! Can't seem to get anything in my head these past few days. Yep, I've been doing MCQ questions. Can't seem to understand why I get the physics questions correct! Yes, I got them correct, ironically.
Anyway, Joel may be getting a piercing. Haha!
Oh, thanks to Caroline, now I'm kinda in love with Tokio Hotel again! Was in love with them at the beginning of the year too, just like 30 Seconds to Mars!
Haha! The thing is, at the beginning of the year, I was in love with Tokio Hotel first (well, yeah, I got to know them first anyways, haha! When Bill, the frontman, still had that bombastic hairstyle! Totally caught my attention!), then was in love with 30 Seconds to Mars.
Right now, at the end of the year, was pretty much in love with 30 Seconds to Mars again, because I was watching their From Yesterday MV (remember? XD Haha!) and now Tokio Hotel!! :D Haha
Yeah, and for Tokio Hotel, it's pretty much because of Don't Jump and the MV too xD Hahaha I wonder why I always go back to old hits, hehe. Oh! I was crazy over "Scream" at the start of the year too, though. Not really into it right now. Anyway, here's the MV! :D
Okay, that was definitely NOT the best quality and it's the German version. Hehe The English version must have been soooo populer to the point that ALL the embeddings of the English Version vids are disabled! Haha Okay, that's it for now! Shall go off! ^^
Enjoy the vid! :)
CCA.
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