Somewhere Along The Line

Dear blog,

Nah, I'm not that angry no more. The angst is gone. I know, sometimes it comes and goes. It's like a phase, a wave, a period of sudden rush. It is not something uncontrolable, I know. It's just that, I let myself indulge in it. It is not an indulgence to begin with, but somehow deep down, I guess I just did not want to stop, or control, it. It's like I just wanna let it go for good, which by the way, I think is a pretty good choice ^^ It is better to let it go, and let it run with the wind, then to bottle it up and supress it within, right?

Anyway, I realise that I've let go of a lot of things within this frame of time. LOADS of things! So many!

First of all, let me re-inforce my interest in the entertainment world. I know I am not pretty or talented, but I've always thought that they are all workable. I've always wanted to go to an Arts College, or something like that, or at least, the mass comm course. It was the least I could do with my life. Guess what? I blew it! I am now in business! The moment I said business, I could feel my heart drop. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. No, it went further down. It felt as though it had dropped to the ground. I was so sad and I felt as though a part of me was torn out.

Then, I gathered myself and thought about it again. Maybe it isn't all that bad. I mean, come on! Think about it. I am not smart, either! What made me think that I would be able to get into the course in the first place? They'll need 10 pointers and below! I aint no 10 pointer! It has been a beautiful dream that I carved out, in place of the reality where I know my dreams will never come true. I even got myself a job in order to re-ensure myself.

Yet, every now and then, I'll have supportive friends who tell me that I should pursure my dream. My sisters started praising me for my writing skills too, which by the way, isn't polished at all. Knowing that, I am sure that I won't be able to survive in the arts world. Look at the many talented people! But again, you'll never know until you try, right?

So, then, I thought I pretty much convinced myself that I won't do good in it anyways, and was on the verge of accepting my fate. Reality wins over dream, I thought. Right at that point of time, I was told that nothing is impossible.

So what now? I am just so lost! I am just.. In need of directions. But again, the directions are not for others to show. It's for you to stir yourself! The wheel is in your hands, and no others.

Somewhere along the line, I know that business isn't the path meant for me.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I was meant for something greater than this.
Somewhere along the line, I know that if I continue on in this path, I may still be successful.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I may not be able to make it in arts.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I can't sing nor act.
Somewhere along the line, I know that I can always give them a shot and be pleased with myself.
Somewhere along the line.. I am lost.
I need to find a way out. If only there is an EXIT door on this forked road.

CCA.